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放生

October18

去年生日我與蜜糖在唐人街的一家中式酒家吃海鮮, 店員叫我在大魚缸中選一條魚. 因為只有兩個人, 所以只可以選一條較細小的魚, 但魚缸內通通都是大魚, 我便來來回回看了又看, 只看到有一條小魚在另一個小魚缸中.

我看看牠, 牠也看著我. 那一條小魚, 我知道牠就剛好夠我們兩個人吃.

一年後, 有時還會想起那條魚. 牠不因我而生, 卻因我而死. 有時我會想, 如果那天生日我不說要去吃海鮮, 可能牠還可活多幾天. 我也會想, 或者上一輩子牠欠了我什麼, 這一輩子當我慶生時牠就成為我的大餐. 我還會想, 或者這一輩子我與牠結了緣, 這世我把牠吃了, 下一輩子牠就把我吃掉.

若不是07年在大嶼山寶蓮寺看了有關少肉多菜的因果資料, 我想我可不會有以上的聯想.

我從來都沒有放生過, 在我手上死去的倒是有的.

最記得是年幼是回鄉探親時, 有一只飛來的小麻雀受傷了且走進外婆的家中, 後來他們就捉了給我玩, 可是那時候我卻因為太緊張, 小麻雀也因為我捉得太緊而窒息死去了.

那時候我有著說不出的內疚, 而這件事也一直放在心裡, 直到今天久久都不能忘懷.

有很多時候, 我們都會嫌自己記性太好. 那天與蜜糖無聊閒聊聊起由到社會工作以後, 如何被所遇過的上司一步一步的訓練成今天的自己, 我才發現自己記性實在太好了吧! 連過去上司對我說過什麼話我都可以一一記得清清楚楚.

是我太執著了嗎? 還是我自己才是最應該被放生的那位…

posted under Sometimes Serious
Tags: 宗教, 動物, 生死, 生活, 閒事

4 Comments to

“放生”

On October 18th, 2009 at 11:45 pm 司南 Says:
見其生不忍見其死，聞其聲不忍食其肉。

但看不到聽不見還不就是吃了？我們其實殘忍，不過我們不願活生生地面對。

既然天生有犬齒，盲腸又退化了，我想，吃肉也不過是我自然本性而已。

順其自然，也順其不自然。
Reply
On October 19th, 2009 at 12:11 am ana Says:

我一直都覺得是自然本性, 沒有什麼大不了. 不過近幾年看佛看多了, 自然地心態也改變了. 還是少肉多菜, 當減肥好了
Reply
On October 19th, 2009 at 12:30 am michael Says:
many thx for your support by leaving a message to my blog. however, i may disappoint you. actually I have stopped writing it despite plenty of data for later chapters had been collected. the reason will be told after the first half of ch. 4, which was already written, upload to my blog.
anyway, I’m only a bit disappointed for no publisher is interested coz I can still upload the material to the internet. I just feel that it is a pity I don’t have time to complete it (at least in the forseeable future). I need to make a living and I’m sorry to let you down.
hope you will keep reading my blog. even I can’t finish the remaining chapters, I will still put certain arguments intended to write on the blog.

best wishes
michael (blogger of HKSAR history)
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On October 19th, 2009 at 12:47 am ana Says:

Thanks Michael, I will definitely finish the remaining chapters, and I wish you have time to complete it in the future!
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